A dream that failed

I studied hard at the secondary upper school, and I also trained hard to be a "hunter" in the swedish army. That is like a green beret in the US army. The day I went to the military tests I had been training hard, so I felt strong in my body and my mind. The first test for me was the hearing test, and I was a little bit anxious about this, because I have a little bit of tinnitus in one of my ears, because I've been playing guitar with bands loud, many times without hearing protection. I did the test and thought that I did it well, but I failed. The second highest tone in the left ear, I couldn't hear it. I said that this machine was broken, my hearing is perfect! So I did the test once again in a different machine. I tried to press the button when I heard a sound in the same tempo as before when I didn't hear the tone, but it never worked. I was sad, because they told me I can't do army at all. There are people suing the army because of bad hearing after military service, so they cannot take in people with any hearingproblems.

I was so sad that moment. I have dreamed so much to make it as a hunter, my father talked with me and my brother when I was younger about this. He told us that we would be strong parashout hunters one day when we are in the military. Well, my brother refused to do his service, and I was discarded. That's the story. I went home with the bus and I walked alone in the forest. It's life, I will do something bigger, I will maybe climb MountEverest, put up the flag of the army and piss on it, as a protest. Next day I went to a doctor to check my hearing, he said it was only this very high tone on my left ear, and that I hear like a normal person. Because this tone is very high. He said he could write a paper to the army that my hearing is good and then I don't have to do the test, but I was so dissappointed at the army so I said nevermind that.

This was not the only bad news. In the same times as I was discarded I received a mail from an archeologichal group I went with on a river in Sweden with their viking-boat. It was interesting to row with this ship, and I wanted to participate in the big project. To sail and row from Sweden to Azerbajdzjan. But with all my studies I couldn't care so much for this journey. So when the list of people going with was sent, I never found my name. At this moment I knew that if I wan't to be sure of doing something, and to succeed, I have to do it myself. In that way I have all the power, and I can accomplish anything that doesn't involve other people.

The viking project, http://www.vittfarne.se